Last week, every sex worker’s nightmare became of me: a man in one of my classes loudly asked, “So, what DO you do for work?,” clearly hoping that it would embarrass me. Instead, it enraged me.
I made sure my reply was loud enough that each guy within the classroom could hear me and I told him, “I realize that you know. A number of you follow me on social networking & have tried to get in touch with me. I should be able to arrived at school without having to be bothered. You need to turn around and prevent talking to me now.”
He attempted to embarrass me, but rather I got the very best of him. I had been amazed once the teacher spoke in my defense, only one thing threw me off. His first line was, “I’ve already discussed this with you guys,” further clarifying the truth that this kid knew just what he was doing as he inquired about that question.
I visit school in an exceedingly small town where word travels fast. Everyone knows who I’m and what I do for work. And I’m genuinely not embarrassed with it, But, I additionally never, ever discuss the adult industry at school. I am not there to get that kind of attention. Those aren’t conversations I wish to have at school. I’m within my final (and busiest) semester, and so i really don’t wish to talk about anything but school when I’m in school. I also make it a point to dress totally different from how most would assume a “porn star” would dress. I make certain nearly every inch of my body is included. There are a lot of over-sized grandma sweaters and infinity scarves carefully chosen to cover even the hint of cleavage. The only way I could become more covered is that if I began wearing a burka.
I find it interesting that many people who have a problem with the truth that I’m in the porn industry also have a trouble with the truth that I’m a college student. Contrary, you’d think these people would be happy that i am making an effort to complete other activities with my entire life. My detractors have sent me emails suggesting that I shouldn’t be also allowed to attend college, together with threats of telling the Dean, as though he doesn’t already know.
The Dean has been supportive of my academic career, even approving a class change for my last semester after i had been viciously bullied by a male classmate I’d quite literally never even spoken to. He repeatedly tweeted me to let me know he hopes I kill myself because I’m a “whore.” It seemed as if he wanted a reaction from me, so I never replied to him on social media or gave him any indication it bothered me. I refused to permit my student advisor to speak to him about this since i didn’t even want him to understand it hurt me. However it did. Whores have feelings too.
I’m not going to school because I hate the porn industry. I will school because this was my path before porn. Having a job in the adult market is temporary unless you intend on doing grandma porn. That isn’t really my thing, so I’ve been smart enough to create other options personally. Why don’t you obtain a degree in video production, something I possibly could actually use to transition from being in front from the camera, to being behind it, where I’m truly much more comfortable?
If you’ve such a trouble with sex work, why don’t you support sex workers if they are trying to do other things? Ladies who have porn pasts are often fired from jobs they’re highly qualified for. Often it just takes one complaint to HR and we’re out the door. Obviously after i made a decision to go back to school I knew some of this could occur to me. I expected it, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t produce a lot of anxiety. Now I’m bracing myself for what’s next.
We’ve had one class session since I had to shut my male classmate down, inside a room where I’m one of only two women inside a sea of approximately 20 men -and thankfully nobody said a thing in my experience in that period. As a woman, sometimes it’s very powerful to talk sternly and defend yourself, even when you seem like crumbling.
I’ve had lots of moments in everyday life where I didn’t speak up personally for reasons uknown. I always be sorry after i keep quiet. So I’m happy with myself to be somewhere where I feel adequate about myself to protect myself. I am not sure how all of this will have out moving forward, but I’m refusing to drop these kinds or switch it. I will tough it and ensure I stand up for myself whenever it’s needed on the way. I can not stress enough how good it feels to speak up when a man comes at you with even a vague hint of misogyny. Even if it’s difficult to have it out, I promise you’ll feel good ultimately.