The internet is a curio cabinet filled with crap, some of which you’ll need plus some which you really don’t. Nowhere is this more evident than on?stock photo websites. We’ve spent a lot of time poring through stock photos, and extremely, nothing is more delightful than the curious results resulted in with a casual look for “Christmas sex” or simply “penis.” The situations that stock photographers?imagine penises in are a delight. Most have absolutely no relation to the real world life of a dick, let alone serve as helpful imagery to illustrate?articles.?Why can you ever need, for instance,?a picture of the penis on a plate, balls waxed bare, the head buffed to some glossy? At The Frisky, this photo has been the perfect stock photo: completely nonsensical, weird, and impractical.
Then, we found this:
What? With what world can you ever need this photo to exist? What article or post or tweet could this photo illustrate appropriately? Who was the skill director that chose to ask some poor man to put his sizable ween on the waitress or bun, held aloft with a iridescent?pink polished?hand, and drizzled in mustard? Who’d?let?another person do that for them? Why? The pay for modeling for this photo, which no one but us will most likely ever use, CANNOT be greatly, contrary whatsoever.?In the name of journalism, we posed some questions about this photo to some wide swath of penis-possessing men within our lives. They are their answers.
THE QUESTIONS
1. In 140 words or less, please describe the circumstances to which you’d agree to be the dick within the photo. (As with, not as one, but in your day-to-day life.)
2. Same question, but switch the mustard with chili and kraut.
THE ANSWERS
If I was given a dick that large for keeps, I’d allow it to be Chicago-dogged.
1. I’d accept function as the dick within this photo for an unlimited AMEX Black Card
2. See above.
Combining sex and food doesn’t tickle my pickle. Whipped cream, mashed bananas, edible undies -in my world, these reside in a arena of kink far, far away. I don’t care if it is my own dick serving as vessel (or payload, depending on how you look at it), I probably wouldn’t agree to do this under any circumstance. Basically had to choose, I suppose I’d dip my balls in honey, or stick a kirby cucumber up her cooch.
1. I’d accept be the individual whose penis was put into a hot dog bun and slathered with mustard for that princely amount of $143,256.89, paid within the following denominations and amounts: 956 $100 bills, 733 $50 bills, 518 $20 bills, 41 $10 bills, 38 $5 bills, 27 $1 bills, 11 Eisenhower dollar coins, 5?Sacagawea dollar coins, 6 Kennedy half dollars, 2 Washington Bicentennial quarters, 1?1874 CC Seated Liberty dime, 4 Jefferson nickels, and 9?1944 Steel Wheat pennies.
2. To become the person whose penis was placed in a hot dog bun and slathered with chili and kraut, I’d require my face to be put on the $20 bill along with a royalty of 1 percent of the value of each bill printed to be tendered to me, with a further 0.1 % royalty to be given in my experience whenever a $20 bill changes hands with any type of commerce.
1. If I was offered a considerable amount of cash and assured that just somebody that had their dentures out could go near it.
2. The idea of chili that near to my penis is just a no go.
1. Short answer: I wouldn’t. I guess I can imagine a scenario by which I’d get it done to prank certainly one of my friends but that’s not something I’d ever?really?do.
2. All gloves are off. I’m doing it at this time.
Question 1: Only if someone requested it and after a conversation. I’d probably nix pictures.
Question 2: Only if someone requested it after a discussion. I’d probably nix pictures. Is there a thing about chili and kraut that will change my answer? I’m already putting waitress or condiments on my small dick, for fuck’s sake.
1. If my partner were hungry (WITHIN LIMITS) and was sincerely switched on through the act and wouldn’t descend right into a fit of giggles. Also, if this happened over an easily cleaned surface. Kitchen tile, say.
2. Ditto, however with the proviso the chili was 70 degrees and the heavily vinegared kraut avoided the urethra.
1. I would never choose to have my dick smothered in mustard. that’s disgusting and frankly i’m a little offended that you inquired about this for your “survey.”
2. Chili and sauerkraut are great toppings so i’d probably be cool with it every once in a while. no everyday thing, but maybe it could make dicks more desirable to look at for potential partners who love spicy food?
Also, I can’t imagine a scenario in which anyone would ever have use with this stock photo. also also, if either French’s or any chili/sauerkraut company paid off my student education loans for me, I’d cover my dick in what you wanted.
1. I’m a classic married dude. The only circumstance to which I’d be willing to be the dick in the photo in day-to-day life would be if my wife, for some bizarre reason, wanted to recreate the scenario. I’ve learned from Dan Savage the importance of being “good, giving and game.” This also assumes, obviously, that we would be able to discover the extra long waitress or bun required.
2. If my wife were willing to lick the condiments off, I guess she could adorn the “hot dog” with whatever toppings she desired.
? An insatiable appetite for warm dogs
? Capability to self-fellate
? Ability to painlessly regenerate my ding-dong
More than prepared to contribute a disgusting and awful (very) short story with this particular scenario (but for $).
That’s a remarkable dick.
1. I firmly believe food and sex don’t belong together, but I’d agree to do it if a woman I really thought about – and/or I truly wanted to fuck – inquired about to get it done and that i thought it would result in sex.
2. I’d probably still do it but I wouldn’t feel better about myself each morning.
1. I would comply if persuaded the mustarding and bunning of my dick would lead to further oral engagement. And/or, if I felt it might play as really funny. Our daughter would need to be reliably asleep or in another building altogether, as seeing this would result in decades of both therapy and waitress or aversion.
2. All the same applies, though the likelihood of being bitten via a blind heap of chili and kraut would increase to the stage that maybe just the comedy would be worth it.
1. I guess whether it was something (despite the fact that I’d think it had been a little strange) that turned my lady on, I would be willing to do it; or maybe they (my partner) would certainly be joking around and have a bizarre sense of humor??; I don’t know.
2. I believe the chili and kraut could be going a tad too far (messy and very strange!).
1. Whether it were for someone I love (not family, obviously), because -I have no idea -they had some weird urge to see this, then sure once. Or for a large sum of money. Only for somebody I know or someone someone else I understand and trust can attest to (i.e. not for many rando in the pub). Lastly, like responding to this survey, there’d have to be a promise of total anonymity.
2. See above with the addendum that the chili has already established enough time to cool.
1. It’d have to involve a fresh bottle of mustard, without any weird fridge crust around the tip. I also want a written be certain that I won’t use whatever potato or macaroni salad at any time throughout the act.
2. How’s that for the point where I’m finally taking practical risks towards my dream of starring inside a Grace Jones music video, Dress it by whatever means necessary, so long as the cameras are rolling.
1. I’d be comfortable with being the dick within this photo if it was for just like a viral prank show where you like go onto a boardwalk making bros accidentally touch a dick once they want a hot dog.
2. Hot food like chili on my penis is a really great way for me to no longer trust anyone goofing around with my penis.
1. This would have to be the effect of a private joke between me and a significant other. I can not consider another scenario where it might be acceptable.
2. Regarding other toppings, it would need to be such like. I believe I’m sort of boring along with a prude but boy oh boy this really is this type of high concept dick pic
Like the photo seems so without any irony or lightheartedness, it feels pretty straightforwardly gross in ways that’s pretty bothersome in my experience. It’s probably the incorporation of foods.
I mean I do not buy bread. I do not even know just how much it costs. so the only way this might occur to me (other then modeling) is always to fulfill a lover’s fantasy.
