I?have made a real and true effort to create married sex fun, interesting, and satisfying for myself and my hubby. I gave him my blessing to carry on his porn watching as long as it doesn’t interfere with bedroom performance and I partake myself occasionally when he is away. We have toys. If he sees something in porn he actually thinks we’d enjoy he lets me know and thus far I’ve tried to incorporate everything he’s brought up except for the one thing: facials. I don’t want his mess in my eyes or hair or up my nose. I do not enjoy it. Now he’s become somewhat obsessive about this concept and brings it up at least once a week. Simultaneously, he’s also apologetic about his pestering and should not say what it is relating to this that he finds so appealing. They know it won’t feel different than cumming on my body or hand, but he still can’t stop referring to it. He also says he’d feel below par if I let him do that thing because he thinks it’s gross and humiliating. I was always under the impression that this is one of those things done in porn just to get that dramatic finish, or as part of a face rape scene with the implied dominance and helplessness yadda yadda. It always seemed pretty useless in the real world if you don’t used to do some sub/dom play, which my husband is NOT into.? So let me know, is there something here I’m missing? Or perhaps is he merely fixated with an fantasy facet of porn that does not really translate in the bedroom?
Yes, you are absolutely missing something. Before I get to that particular, allow me to be clear: If you don’t want your husband to come*?in your face, do not do it. Your husband needs to stop pestering you. Both of you need to have a clear conversation where you say, “Listen dude, I’ll tell you if I change my thoughts about this, but at the moment, this isn’t something I’m interested in doing. Please stop asking me.” He must respect your boundaries. He needs to understand it does not matter how often he brings up, the number of different ways, the number of jokes he tells or the number of subtle hints he drops, you are not interested. When he brings up by saying, “Oh, I wouldn’t want to do it should you wouldn’t like it-“, he’s still secretly hoping you’ll say it’s okay. He’s trying to plant the concept in your mind while taking the guilt of asking for them back his shoulders, but it is still exactly the same fucking thing, and he must stop doing that.
If he doesn’t respect your request, you will want to address the truth that your husband is kind of a disrespectful asshole. But from what it seems like, both of you have a solid relationship with good communication skills, and so i imagine he’ll understand and prevent bringing it up. Maybe one day you’ll understand it and say, “Okay, I’m down to do that.” There is however no reason you have to like it, there is no reason you need to be thinking about it, there’s no reason you have to check it out.
That being said, YES, you are absolutely missing something with regards to facials, since you are assuming a lot about human sexuality. You are missing the knowning that sexuality doesn’t fit neatly into boxes, it simply EXISTS. There isn’t any one reason why people perform the things they do in bed, such as the act of giving or receiving facials. The appeal could be merely the visual aspect of it. There’s a sensational/physical aspect into it that’s hot to people too. For instance, to utilize a similar example, there is a woman I previously had sex with who could only come if she was grinding on her behalf stuffed animal while I was pissing on her behalf face. Now, realistically, she didn’t actually need me to pee in her own face;?she just liked the sensation of warm liquid streaming onto her – she might have been within the shower doing exactly the same thing. And she needed to grind on the teddy bear certainly not because it was a teddy bear, but because it was an object with the right softness and density to obtain her off -?perhaps a pillow would have worked just as well. There are many individuals who enjoy facials for similar physical reasons.
Sure, their enjoyment could have a lot to do with BDSM in some way, however it doesn’t necessarily have to. There are all sorts of different reasons why people discover giving or receiving a facial to become arousing and enjoyable which have nothing to use domination or rough sex or degradation or anything like that. This is one of those “a square is definitely a rectangle but a rectangle isn’t necessarily a square” kind of situations. So yes, you are missing a great deal.
Think from it like shaking someone’s hand. Shaking someone’s hand isn’t a representation of anything apart from a salutation, but it can be done for many reasons. You are able to shake someone’s hand to state “Nice to meet you!”, you are able to shake someone’s hand to state “Good job!”, you can shake someone’s hand because you would like to touch them. But there are people out there who say, “Hey, i do not feel comfortable having my hands touched – I’m a germaphobe.” As well as in that case, you don’t have to shake their hand – you can say “good job” or “nice to meet you” instead. Exactly the same message gets across and there’s no harm done.
A facial is one representation of the male through an orgasm. It’s not necessarily about degradation, or humiliation, or facial abuse. At some point in life, a guy said, “I want to come on the face,” or a woman said, “I would like you to come on my small face,” and it is been perpetuated and become more prevalent because enough people find it arousing that they continue to do it. Porn did not invent facials; everyone was likely doing facials prior to the first facial ever appeared in porn. Does art dictate life or does life dictate art?
Unfortunately, insufficient people in our society have regular conversations about sex and sexuality, and they don’t always realize that porn isn’t education. There are plenty of people who see facials in porn and wish to replicate it in their own lives – but the thing is, many people enjoy it! There are plenty of women and men that want to be covered in semen! There are a lot of various reasons why a dude might enjoy coming throughout a ladies face that are not necessarily degrading, just as there are a lot of women who enjoy being come on for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with being humiliated. [I’m one of them! – Amelia]? Actually, if your woman really wants to be dominating during sex but also have come on her behalf face, she could easily order her partner to do it in a dominating way – “You’re going to jerk off on my small face!” Domination itself doesn’t really have to do with the particular sexual acts, it must use the persona and the approach.
So, in summary: YES, you are looking at facials incorrectly, so stop might understand that you’re wrong whenever you assume it must use domination and humiliation. But at the same time, this is not something you need to want or do. You should be clear with your husband it’s not something you’re interested in and to stop asking and if you convince you, you will tell him. Hopefully he respects your request.
*While The Frisky is firmly anti-cum and can always spell it “come,” I nevertheless asked James to weigh along with his opinion around the cum vs. come “debate.”?He said: “I usually spell it cum, but when?I’m conjugating the verb into past tense I would change it to ‘came’. Truly I say ejaculate or jizz or something more enjoyable than cum.” So there you decide to go.*