This post isn’t about Lena Dunham- really. Numerous others, such as the Frisky’s own Amelia, have written about Dunham, her book, and also the passages about her sister that have led to claims of molestation. But, I’m writing this due to the conversation that’s becoming had about Lena Dunham, so we can’t not discuss her.
The basics: Lena Dunham wrote a memoir and included bits about her relationship together with her younger sister, Grace. Such as the time Lena was seven and peered in one-year-old Grace’s vagina. Or another time when Grace was older and Lena will give her sister candy in exchange for kisses. Its keep was the storyline where Lena encountered masturbating in bed at 17, alongside her sleeping sister. Those bits had a few sites screaming “child molestation!” in Lena’s direction and the entire Internet has since blown up on sides of it. But could it be so superior or monochrome? When it comes to kids, sex, and sexuality can’t it be a lot of fuzzy grey?
I have stories of my own that somewhat, sort of, mimic Lena Dunham’s. Like the time that I discovered just how exciting a handheld shower faucet might be in the tender chronilogical age of five. And that i engaged in a few rounds of “I’ll demonstrate mine should you show me yours” with classmates. But, to be honest, I can’t ever remember participating in any search for my younger brother’s private parts beyond the requisite giggling that occurred every time I sneaked an appearance while my mother changed his diaper. A lot like how my son now giggles each time he sees our puppy use the bathroom. Penises are simply funny, I guess.
I have no idea what really happened in the Dunham household. I’ve not a clue how each of these instances were handled by the girls’ parents or maybe there was any follow-up. I’m not sure how her sister Grace feels about Lena writing about all this publicly. And i am not going to pretend I know. So, instead of making all sorts of assumptions and blanket theories about the Dunham girls (clearly a legal court of the Internet is within full session there), I think we can use this situation to discuss kids, bodies, and sex.
As adults, especially for adults with children, our natural instinct would be to protect our kids. Abuse, in any form, isn’t okay, but there is something so insidious and predatory about sexual abuse, that causes most people to get really upset, and even for good reason. But, we have to be careful about noting the difference between normal, healthy exploration and harmful behavior. The kid Sex Abuse Prevention & Protection Center, which heads up the Stop It Now! campaign, has multiple resources on child sex abuse, including info on if children can abuse other children.
In my thoughts, the best way to prevent each one of these grey regions of uncertainty, is to start talking about these problems with kids as soon as possible. There are lots of methods to discuss bodies, consent, and healthy sexuality in age appropriate ways. But one of the most basic avenues into these discussions center around boundaries. It is vital to teach our kids about knowing what boundaries they are comfortable with surrounding their own bodies, and the way to respect the boundaries of others. Nobody is saying that young, curious kids really should not be “playing doctor.” No, in fact, that is perfectly normal, healthy behavior for children. But if we are able to instill in our kids the importance of checking in with a buddy first, to ensure the sport is desired, then we’re on the right track.
Some parting thoughts:
- Little children are curious, and that’s okay!
- Some (most) little kids will take a look at their own bodies a lot, and can on occasion, take a look at their friends’ bodies. That’s okay too as long as everyone is conscious of what is going on and pleased with the sport being played.
- It’s never too early to begin referring to consent (in age appropriate terms!). Rape culture is real, but we are able to help start to dismantle it by teaching our kids about boundaries and bodies (both theirs yet others)!