something I don’t want to admit: I’ve been advocating getting tested for HIV during the last half of my life -?literal half; I have been doing activism within the LGBT community since I was 14 years of age. But despite being sexually active for nearly so long, I’d never gotten tested myself.
There are a million excuses you -?OK, I? – could make for not getting tested. I’ve gotten tested for chlamydia, syphilis, and herpes during regular exams, and it is often resulted in negative. I’ve had sex without a condom, however it was always with people who I knew and trusted. Even using condoms, I’ve communicated with my partners beforehand about whether or not either of us had any knowledge of having STDs, and I’ve didn’t have reason to think that anyone I ever endured sex with had one.
Well, except one: The very first guy I ever had sex with, who I had been friends with at that time, but who I later found out had engaged in some really risky sexual and health behaviors. And the first-time I ever had sex, it was one of those remarkably stupid instances in which I did not make use of a condom. And it’s nagged at me since that time. I knew, even then, that I must have gotten tested. And I was my school’s Queer-Straight Alliance president; I assumed that my behavior should set an example in my peers, but despite the fact that I advocated safe and responsible sex, I didn’t always take action.?I’m willing to chalk that as much as as being a teenager and dumb.As for not receiving?tested, well, I chalk as much as lacking the courage.
I’ve been any adverse health mess recently, though. I wrote last week about my molluscum contagiosum, the skin virus that’s super common but additionally super nearly impossible to find eliminate. In a fit of frustration, I took to the internet to analyze it, and I discovered an informational site having said that that if you’ve immune disorders and particularly HIV, molluscum can be particularly hard to fight. Granted, obviously, I’d only been treating the molluscum for around two weeks, if this can take months to eliminate it with treatment, however in a paranoid fit, thinking back with that one time that I may have put myself at risk of contracting an STD, I finally decided which i would get tested for HIV.
It’s the pettiest possible reason to obtain tested, I know. That excuse of “Well, I have no reason to think I’ve an STD” is easy to maintain whenever you don’t give yourself the information you need to make that judgment, and that’s not fair for your sexual partners. And taking advantage of “you” doesn’t feel the following: It’s my sexual partners. The fact that I cared about them must have been reason enough to suck up and go get tested, particularly when there are so, a lot of resources for free HIV and STD testing. And particularly when I knew that, because I’d caused those resources as an LGBT activist.
I made a scheduled appointment using the Focus on Halsted, certainly one of Chicago’s largest support resources for the LGBT community. They provide therapy groups, workshops, networking, healthcare resources, recreational programs, GED courses, career development and job training courses, a computer lab, a legal clinic, and, obviously, free testing, with case managers allotted to each individual and organizations for HIV-positive individuals. They’re, suffice it to say, an amazing organization, and I heartily suggest donating or volunteering.
When I went in, my case manager met me within their clinic, escorted me to some private room, and spoke with me briefly about how exactly the exam works before administering it. It is only a tiny little poke within the finger to collect a little sample of blood -?like the glucose monitors individuals with diabetes use to check their blood sugar. And you watch for Twenty minutes. The Center’s way of passing that point would be to perhaps you have do a verbal survey with your case manager to ensure that you’re distracted enough for this not to be maybe the worst 20 minutes of your life. I told mine concerning the molluscum, too, and that he demonstrated an informational video he’d just designed for the middle staff on that very subject.
So, tick-tock, tick-tock, and then – Negative. Definitively, absolutely negative. I do not have HIV.
I take into account that a privilege, and I contemplate it lucky, after 14?years avoiding that knowledge. Had I been positive, by the way, my case manager would have been right there beside me, and the Center might have gave me all the resources I needed to process it and obtain my health on track, and that’s why community health resources like the Focus on Halsted are extremely vital.
I realize that sexual interactions are often spur-of-the-moment, that asking lots of questions regarding health when you’re about to have sex feels awkward and unsexy, which each and every knowledgeable adult so what about safe sex (that we hope is people) does risk assessment about STDs, whether or not we communicate that aloud. It’s easy to fall under guessing about your status -?I guessed which i didn’t have HIV, according to what I knew about this and it is symptoms and how and when they show up, my sexual history and how I’ve communicated with my partners, the amount of partners I’ve had and just what I know regarding their own sexual histories, the truth that I’ve tested negative for other STDs, and my health overall. I guessed right, but I was still guessing, and that is not really good enough.
It’s very simple to prevent referring to it or confronting it if you are already in the center of a long-term relationship, because everyone knows that sexual health is one thing we should talk about with our partners at the beginning of our relationships, whether or not we act with that knowledge. Talking to my fianc about it felt like a betrayal, like I was admitting which i had put him in danger. I’m extremely glad that I have a partner who loves me enough to understand the neuroticism and paranoia which was making me be worried about it to begin with, and who loves me enough to state that if I tested positive, we’d cope with it together. HIV, because he stated in my experience, isn’t a death sentence.
So please, look for a resource in your community that will protect your anonymity as well as your emotional well-being, and go get tested. It’ll take merely a little bit of your time, and past the fact that it is just fair for your partners to do it, it’s also only fair to yourself -?once you get tested, you’ll be equipped with important understanding of your personal body that’ll allow you to take care of it correctly in to the future.